Crazy Taxi (6)

*sigh* where do I start. Well it was another one of changsha taxis’finest moments. I have to give them an applaud for thier genius and handywork.

I was taking a taxi back home as usual and I jumped into this rather dirty, dilapidated taxi, which smelt of smoke…no change from usual really. I get in and infront of me is a “no smoking” sign, to which the driver didn’t give two flying f’s about as he offered me a cigarette. I declined and I was alarmed by the taxi drivers bad judgement. Not the smoking in the non smoking taxi but rather his windscreen. A long crack ran from the top down the middle to the bottom. Oh god i thought.

Honestly i don’t know why i was so worried, i mean the taxi drive had done the decent thing that any taxi driver in china should do if there is a long crack in the screen. He put some sellotape on it…cos sellotape can fix anything...wouldn’t suprised me if the car was held together by the stuff….

Crazy Taxi (5)

So all taxis in Changsha have these TV screens in the back of the car. They play adverts and news from a single channel. The Channel covers alot of the news from the city and some national bits as well. Its useful i guess if your taking a taxi and want to catch up on what’s guanin’  in China. Sorry did i say useful. My mistake. Last night on the way back i was watching this new in the taxi the first story came up. It was a Mini Cooper S that was a local police car. I asked my GF what it was all about. For some reason they were debating whether the policeman who drives it bought it or he used governement money to buy the police car. I was thinking seriously, you are really noit sure who pays for the police force cars, its obvious its goverment money what a pointless bit of newsi thought….Until the next one came on.

The next piece was…well…idiotic. If this makes it on to the news in a city where 8million people live then absolutely nothing of any worth is happening in this city. OR crime rates are really that low. The news piece started with an old guy lying on the ground with his bike on top of him. Not a motorcylce. A bicycle. The point of this new piece. The old man said some woman had pushed him off and she denied it. Honest to god this crap makes local news…why do I need to know some guy got pushed off his bike…

I’m Sirrus, it’s bloody cold! HARRY UP!

So on a casual night out Halloween dressed as Harry Potter, I did some partying in the city center. Eventually I was all wizard’d out and had to head home. So I headed to get some transport home. Unfortunately I had forgotten my broom, and due to china’s lack of infrastructure the ‘Floo Network’ isn’t up and running here. So only one choice for a high profile Wizard in china to travel…obviously on the back of a moped.  

So there i was on the back of this moped in the early hours of the morning. As a drunk newly qualified Wizard i was bustin’ out spells left, right and center at passers by, and typically causing a fuss amongst the muggles. Then something strange happened. I realised something. It came over me so quick, it was like a shiver. It was bloody cold on the back of this moped with my cape blowing in the wind…so I decided that broomstick was not a preferable method of travel in the colder months, plus a moped is goddamn uncomfortable after 10-15mins…sitting on a broom has got to do some damage right?

You Can Call Me “Mr William BSc(Hons)”

My Degree came through from Uni finally. Thought I’d share it with the world.

Censored to protect my identify due to stalkers forth coming fame

Crazy Taxis (4)

So I heard a worrying rumor the other day that became a rather confusing rumor.

I was talking to another westerner about unlicensed taxis in the city, when he told me about this disturbing rumor. He told me that i shouldn’t take them. I thought he was going to warn me about the fact they will sometimes ask for more money than originally agreed when you reach your destination. But No. Not even close to the story he was about to tell me.

Apparently the there have been reports of unlicensed taxi drivers picking you up and then not taking you to your destination but to a dark secluded alley. At this point i was like WTF. But it carried on. Then supposedly there will be about 10 guys who will drag you from the taxi and beat the living crap out of you. Literally they will kill you. I was like Why would that do that. The answer: Organs. Yup so apparently they steal your organs and sell them on the black market. Oh lovely i thought.

The strange part came when i was discussing this with my Gf who is Chinese. When i told her she couldn’t believe it. Not because it was so outrageous but because she had heard a similar rumor that passengers of unlicensed taxis were making the taxi driver go to certain places so they could steal the Taxi driver’s organs….WHAT THE FUCK!

So confusion soon lifted about the whole situation and the birth of another rumor came to me. Maybe there are some Taxi drivers that steal the passengers organs AND then the Taxi drivers take other taxis and steal the drivers organs as well…Bastards.

One thing is for sure, I’ll think twice before taking an unlicensed taxi, because, well, I prefer my organs in my body rather then in some guys hands… personal preference maybe.

CRAZY TAXIS (3)

So as always i got another taxi last night. It was raining and i was stood outside in a t-shirt for ages. Finally i see a free taxi down the other end of the road so I literally run for it. As a westerner gets out the front i open the door to dive into the back, thinking i dont have time to say hello, to be confronted by a further 3 westerners.

“Fuck it, I’m not in the mood to say hello.” i thought, while soaking wet. I retreated and dived into the front as i was getting too cold from the rain. 

We start driving and I see this is a newish taxi only having done 250,000Km…so everything good right. No wrong. The engine light and air bag failure light are flashing. Great I thought, the engine is gunna blow up and we are going to die. And if that wasn’t bad enough either his air bag or my air bag doesnt work so its a bit of a lottery when we crash with our exploded engine. It took one or two seconds to sink in before i thought, this is china, the chances of any of these air bags working is pretty much nil, that light is flashing to tell us both the air bags are truely fucked. 

Did the driver care? Did he hell, no seat belt and casually leaning against the window, whilst driving in rain on bad chinese roads, with mental traffic…this motherfucker got balls! I thought as i put my seat belt on! Too hardcore.